A raw confession, a hidden obsession, and the search for what’s truly “normal” in love and lust.
At first, our connection felt electric, raw passion, constant touching, never-ending intimacy. My girlfriend and I have s*x up to 20 times a day, and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
What began as a fiery, exciting phase of our relationship quickly escalated into a whirlwind of nonstop physical encounters. It felt surreal, like something out of an erotic fantasy. But then came the emotional exhaustion, the silent doubts, and the inevitable question: Is this normal, or is something deeper going on here?
When Intimacy Becomes Obsession: The Untold Truth About Having S*x 20 Times a Day
As time went on, I began to notice the red flags: physical fatigue, mental burnout, and even strain in other areas of our relationship. Our friends didn’t understand, and neither did we. What seemed like the ultimate romantic connection started to feel like a compulsive cycle.
This story is a deep, personal dive into how we reached this point, the psychological and physical impacts of extreme intimacy, and the lessons we’ve learned along the way.
The Beginning: What Started as Passion…
When I first met Sophie, sparks didn’t just fly, they exploded. She was magnetic. From the moment we locked eyes at a friend’s rooftop party, I felt something animalistic stirring inside me. She had this intoxicating laugh, a playful smirk, and a way of making everything feel like a scene out of a steamy indie movie.
Our first night together? Electric. And then it didn’t stop.
20 Times a Day?? Yes, Really
I know it sounds crazy. Unbelievable, even. But within the first few weeks, our s*x life went from steamy to obsessive.
We were having s*x before breakfast, in the shower, between Zoom calls, in the car, in public restrooms, before bed, and then again in the middle of the night. I once counted: 20 times. In a single 24-hour span.
At first, it felt exhilarating. The kind of thing people fantasize about. I mean, who wouldn’t want a relationship where the chemistry is off the charts?
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But somewhere between the bruised hips, skipped meals, and cancelled plans with friends, a question started gnawing at me:
Is this normal?
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When Passion Feels Like a Job
Don’t get me wrong, we were both consenting. There was no pressure, no manipulation. We just couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
But slowly, the afterglow began to fade, replaced by physical exhaustion and emotional confusion.
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I started feeling anxious when I wasn’t around her.
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She became moody if we didn’t hook up at least five or six times a day.
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We stopped doing other things, movies, dinners, even simple conversations.
Our entire relationship was based on s*x. It was like a drug. Addictive, euphoric… and consuming.
Is It Just Lust? Or Something More?
I started doing what most people do when their Google history becomes a confessional: I searched.
“How much s*x is too much?”
“S*x addiction in couples”
“Is having s*x 20 times a day healthy?”
The results were sobering. Experts said that while frequent s*x isn’t inherently bad, the context matters.
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According to the Kinsey Institute, the average couple has s*x 1-2 times a week, with younger couples sometimes hitting 3-4 times. Twenty times a day? That falls outside of any normal curve.
More importantly, why we were having so much s*x was the red flag.
I reached out anonymously to a relationship counselor just to get some clarity.
Her words stuck with me:
“S*x that becomes a compulsion something you need constantly to feel connected is usually a sign of deeper emotional insecurity. It’s not about intimacy. It’s about escape.”
That hit me hard. Was I using s*x to avoid vulnerability? Was Sophie?
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What no one tells you about excessive s*x is that the body eventually says enough.
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Sophie began having frequent urinary tract infections.
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I dealt with raw skin, soreness, and constant fatigue.
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We were skipping meals, missing work deadlines, and feeling irritable outside the bedroom.
And yet, we kept going.
Because when s*x becomes the glue holding a relationship together, stopping feels like pulling the plug on everything.
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I couldn’t talk to my friends about it. What was I supposed to say?
“Hey, I’m having too much s*x, and I think it’s ruining my relationship.”
It sounded ridiculous, even privileged.
But inside, I was drowning. I felt used and adored at the same time. Needed, but not known.
Sophie confessed one night, tears in her eyes, that she feared that if we slowed down, I’d lose interest. That I’d stop desiring her.
That broke me. Our bedroom had become a stage for unspoken fears, not love.
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The Turning Point
One afternoon, I came home early. Sophie was curled up on the couch, fully clothed, makeup smeared from crying.
“I don’t want to do this today,” she whispered. “I just want to cuddle. But I feel like I can’t say no.”
That’s when it hit me: we weren’t addicted to each other, we were addicted to what s*x represented. Validation. Comfort. Escape. Power. Control.
We’d skipped all the emotional milestones, talking, sharing, arguing, compromising and gone straight into physical overdrive.
Rebuilding from Ground Zero
We took a step back. A painful one. We imposed a rule: no s*x for two weeks. Instead, we talked, we cooked dinner, took walks, shared our fears, our childhood stories, our past traumas and many more.
And it was awkward. At first, we felt lost without our crutch. But then, something miraculous happened. We reconnected. Truly, we saw each other as people, not just bodies.
When we finally had s*x again, it wasn’t frantic. It was soft. Intentional. Emotional.
If you’re here asking the same question I did, “Is having sex 20 times a day normal?” here’s my honest answer:
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No, it’s not typical.
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But it’s not about the number, it’s about the “why.”
If it’s mutual, joyful, and healthy? Enjoy yourselves. But if it’s masking deeper issues, causing distress, or isolating you from the world it’s time to reflect. There’s no gold star for how much s*x you have.
The real prize is feeling seen, safe, and satisfied in every part of your relationship.
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Passion is important, but it’s not a foundation.
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Connection without communication is just chemistry.
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S*x should enhance your life, not consume it.
It took nearly burning out our bodies and relationship to learn this. But I’m glad we did.
Now? Sophie and I still have great s*x. Sometimes four times a week, sometimes once. But every time it feels like ours, not a performance.
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Is having s*x 20 times a day physically possible or even safe?
It might sound thrilling, but the human body has limits. While a few days of intense intimacy might be manageable, doing it consistently can lead to exhaustion, soreness, and even injury. Over time, your body will start to push back no matter how strong the desire is.
Could this behavior signal a deeper psychological issue?
Absolutely. When s*x becomes compulsive, it may point to emotional gaps, trauma, or even s*x addiction. Often, this behavior masks insecurities, anxiety, or fear of abandonment. Digging deeper emotionally is key to understanding the real drivers.
How does extreme sexual activity affect a relationship emotionally?
At first, it might feel like you’re deeply connected, but over time, it can create emotional distance. When physical closeness replaces honest communication, emotional intimacy suffers. It’s important to balance both, or resentment can quietly build.
Can a high s*x drive ruin a relationship?
Yes, if it becomes one-sided or obsessive. While passion is healthy, overindulgence can breed burnout and lead to imbalance. When s*x replaces emotional bonding, the relationship becomes less about love and more about lust.
What should couples do if they find themselves in a similar situation?
Start by talking openly without judgment. Seeking professional advice from a therapist can help unpack underlying triggers. More importantly, prioritize emotional connection and rediscover intimacy outside the bedroom.
Too much s*x isn’t a brag. Too little isn’t a failure. What matters is that both partners feel respected, heard, and fulfilled. So if you’re asking the same question I did, don’t be ashamed.
Talk to someone. A therapist. A friend. Even yourself.
Because when we strip away the taboo, the numbers, and the noise, what we’re asking is:
“Am I enough, even when the clothes come back on?” And trust me, you are.